This is a rough introduction to my short story. I'm still unsure about the transitions between the different Acts and how I want to second Act to play out. At this point, my character is very internal and I'm still trying to devise how to best convey his personality through facial expressions and body movement.
Act I
The dart flew gracefully through the air as it reached its intended destination on the dartboard...right between the eyes of an image of Everett Lawson. Simply thinking the name of his employer brought a miffed expression to Desmond Rippner’s face. Desmond stared back at the dartboard, now full of darts piercing Everett’s face. The image made him smile.
He rose from his chair and sighed deeply, recalling all that would be required of him for the following evening. His lovely boss, Everett, also-known-as the thorn in his side, was hosting an important dinner in the hopes of schmoozing with former associates of his deceased father, Nathaniel. Desmond was essentially in charge of making sure that the whole thing came together without so much as a hiccup...like any good butler would. With the dinner scheduled for the following evening, Desmond still had much to complete. Unfortunately, his mind was occupied by much more devious thoughts, more specifically, how he was finally going to get rid of his boss. Six months he had spent serving that dimwit and he could stand it no longer. Desmond considered himself to be a pretty patient person, but the way he saw it, he would be doing the world a favor. Yes, Desmond could be quite generous when he wanted to be.
His eyesight deviated from the dartboard as his gaze then fell upon the cork-board that hung to its left. For weeks he had been wracking his brain, trying to come up with the perfect way to finally end Everett’s life. His cork-board was littered with various scenarios of how he could possibly kill Everett. Desmond had been stewing over different plans of attack, from dismemberment to disembowelment and from hanging to eye gauging. Despite his many ideas, Desmond had yet to come up with the perfect scenario.
Walking over to his dresser, Desmond's eyes fell on the wallet of the man he’d killed the day before at the toll booth. He grabs the wallet and opens it; staring down at the drivers license he sees the image of his unlucky victim. The memory calmed him as he relished in the spontaneity of the kill. He found himself somewhat grateful that the day, which was supposed to be his day off, had not been completely wasted. At that moment, the proverbial light bulb went off in his head. His eyes widened and his smirk deepened. In his possession, he had the perfect, fresh ingredients at his disposal. The mere thought of Everett and his dinner guests unknowingly eating human flesh warmed his heart. While it was not exactly a plan to murder Everett, Desmond saw no problem in having a little fun with his prey first.
Scene cuts to walk-in freezer (basement area?) and we see Desmond lift open the lid of a large ice chest. Inside the ice we see the dismembered body of his victim. We zoom on the victims face and make the connection that he is someone Desmond has killed.
We then see Desmond, still in the walk-in freezer, with a cookbook in one hand and a severed body part in the other. (What I'd like to do with the end of Act I is make the connection that Desmond will be using his victim as ingredients, although I'm still a bit unsure of how I'd like to visually portray this.)
Act II
The second Act would be the following evening, the night of Everett's dinner. The scene opens with Desmond in the kitchen, preparing the main course. Desmond is standing over the stove, sautéing away. On the counter, various cuts of meat can be seen, known to be human remains. Due Desmond's quick change regarding the dinner's menu, he's rushing to get the meal served on time. Desmond's haste to get the meal done is somewhat the "obstacle" for the second act, although I'm not entirely sold on this.
Act II would end with Desmond placing Everett's plate in front of him and a knowing smile on Desmond's face.
Act III
For the third act, the resolution to Desmond's problem would be to finally kill Everett and would take place once all the guests had left.
We find Everett in the kitchen, tie gone, shirt slightly unbuttoned and rumpled, with the sleeves rolled up as he serves himself a last glass of wine. As he brings the glass to his lips he hears a noise coming from the basement. Ever the curious man, he makes his way down the basement steps. He makes note of the ice chest and walks over to it. He opens it and discovers dismembered body parts. As a horrified expressions crosses his face, we see Desmond behind him, knife in hand. *cue sinister music*
Now, my dilemma for the end is whether or not I want to actually show Desmond kill Everett. When it comes to crime/murder shows/movies,etc., there are some kills that aren't really shown, but rather implied. There are times when I prefer those more, because they allow the viewer to make it as violent/not violent as they want.
The third act would end with the audience knowing that Desmond kills Everett, whether it's shown or not...perhaps with a bloodied hand lying on the ground...?
I like that you're incorporating the toll both exercise in this! But I'm not sure if it could fit in the time we have if you added a flashback. Hmm.
ReplyDeleteI think having Desmond holding a body part and a cookbook would be pretty good at showing that he'll be using human meat as an ingredient! Maybe it can show the severed body parts and the head, like you stated, then he'll grab one and start chopping it up or something? Like, you could have the camera zoom in on the body part, then it'll suddenly get chopped into and put into a saucepan? I was also thinking that maybe serving humans was a normal thing for Desmond to do, so he wouldn't necessarily have to be grinning at this new plan. Just a thought!
Maybe you'll want to think of your ending practically, if you want to animate two characters at the same time or not! That may or may not help? This seems fun so far, can't wait to see thissss!
Hey Adriana,
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see you're thinking about Desmond's expressions as you write the story out. Knowing how your character feels for each particular moment will help you determine how to animate the story through body language.
A couple of things to point out is that you a referring to an event that no one may even know about unless they read your character development post or if you show a flashback. In any case, it may be unnecessary to even point out where he got the body from when you storyboard it out. Another issue you may need to check yourself on is that you have more than 2 character to animate now that you have the guests. I'm not saying you can't do this. I just want you to be aware that you will have multiple characters to think about in a short time frame.
Other than that, I like that your story has tension building throughout the plot. As for how you kill him, I think the idea of having the implied death (lightning flash with shadows on the wall showing Desmond kill Everett) will work really well. Hope this helps.
I like the opening (the bit with the dart). What you have written (storywise) is very internal. The rest seems to be a dialogue you are having with yourself as to what to do. What you describe is very matter of fact and linear. Your story concept lacks tension – there is no actual conflict – just events. I don’t see why Desmond has not killed his master before. You need a problem to wrap your story around.
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